In Medias Race

I am always amazed by people who can run without music or something playing in the background. I once had a roommate that said she used the time to pray. This was back when I was a little more religious, and I felt weirdly judged. I would get so bored doing cardio, not even prayer could get me through. My mind is always racing, and I struggle with staying in the present moment. Music improves my mood and energy when I am feeling down or angry, helps me work through emotions, brainstorm new ideas, helps me focus, and is sometimes just entertaining. The right music can lull me into a meditative state or to sleep. Other friends listen to podcasts or audiobooks while they run. I enjoy podcasts and audiobooks if I am walking, but it is too melodic and slow to keep me motivated to run or jog. I have to listen to music. It distracts me from the shortness of breath, helps me with my tempo, keeps my mind occupied with just enough change to keep my wandering mind from getting bored. It is a form of meditation all its own. I would like to be able to just enjoy the sounds of the nature or the city, but when I try to run without headphones, I start focusing on the feeling of my heart trying to burst through my ribcage, how much my (insert weird tiny random muscle here) hurts, how cold or hot I am, or what else I should be doing.

The tone and theme of my current primary running playlist (I have several) is all over the place. I have songs that no matter how feel, I cannot help but dance to when they play; songs that inspire and empower me; and more pensive choices that help me think through events or issues. Probably the oddest song currently on my list is “What Sarah Said.” It reminds me of the last few days my grandfather was alive. I, and others, sat with him in the hospice center. While on the surface, this may sound pretty morbid, but it’s not. He died four years ago, but I still feel him with me all the time. When I run at the lake near my house this song, without fail, comes on at almost the same point in the course regardless of my distance or how long I have been running. It is usually just where the late afternoon sun hovers just over the horizon and the sun reflects across the entire lake. There are small coves with a winding path where the geese and ducks congregate. I look across the lake glittering with the suns rays and watch the geese and herons gracefully and powerfully soar overhead. I am reminded that I am not alone and never really have been; that I have love to give and to receive. I hear his voice and the voices of others I’ve lost. It is three minutes of transcendence and connection with my grandfather and all that exists on the astral plane. I don’t know if it would be as powerful if the song did not play at the same point in the run every time. Arguably, there is some logical explanation related to algorithms, all that Google knows about me, etc. but it is so much nicer to believe that in that moment, the universe is trying to get my attention and remind me its truth and promises. 

I have other moments of peace and transcendence while running or walking outdoors. There is something beautiful about being outdoors surrounded by trees and wildlife with the earth beneath your feet and the wind on your face. In these moments, I am completely alone but also feel a deep sense of connectivity to all that is around me. It can be magical and powerful. So with all of that, I thought I would share my current playlist. I rotate songs frequently, and I am always taking suggestions. Thank you for indulging me and reading my sometimes rambling thoughts.