There is a trend on Tik Tok in which creators make videos of people thinking about dumb, ridiculous, or brave things they have done set to a slow-downed version of Gnarls Barkley’s Crazy. I don’t have the patience to produce good Tik Tok videos, but I like to imagine what my version of the trends would look like. My version would be about me taking up running again in my forties. In this season of personal growth, I have done some wonderfully crazy things. The first that comes to mind is creating a Tik Tok account one afternoon to avoid other projects. (If I spent as much time on my laundry as I do on Tik Tok, well there would still be a F%$# ton of laundry to do, so I guess I have come out ahead.)
This week, our long run was 11 miles. Not only did I survive to tell this tale, I actually enjoyed the run, and I was not sore afterwards. As one of my pace coaches mentioned, “I guess the cross-training is actually working.” The half is quickly coming. I am confident that I will, at minimum, finish. I should finish in under 3 hours and if conditions are favorable and I am well rested, finish in 2.25 to 2.5 hours. My original goal was just to finish, so any pace will be a victory.
Back to the beginning of this post. The craziest thing I did was 1) decide I wanted to run a marathon in a year and 2) telling everyone about it. I intentionally told everyone who would listen about it because I am not a quitter. I knew if I told people, I would need to follow through. Well, the time has come to actually sign up for the marathon. This afternoon, I did it. I committed not only verbally, but now with my money. I have officially signed up for the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon on October 3, 2021. Training will begin in June. What did I do? As Gnarls Barkley said, “Who do you (Jennifer) think you are?) He advices to think twice. Well, I did, and I still signed up.
These past six months, I have also lost my mind in other wonderful ways. I started this blog. I cannot tell you, friendly reader, how difficult it is to share how I am feeling with everyone. Talking about myself is hard. But, it has also been cathartic, and I have stumbled a new community of bloggers, runners, and supporters. Running has given me my confidence back. I have been reminded that I can do difficult things if I just try. I don’t know when along the way I forgot, but somewhere I did. I also have been really evaluating the next phase of my career. I began taking on new contract work. I have taken on some projects that I would have shied away from in the past because I just lacked the confidence. Now, some new and exciting doors are beginning to open. I question myself every day. However, I find the voice of doubt and criticism growing weaker with each day, drowned out by inner peace and confidence.
I have also begun genuinely acknowledging my own struggles with anxiety and depression. I have realized how much time I have lost when my energy was just zapped. I sometimes find myself wondering where I would be today if I had acknowledged these issues before and not just “white knuckled” my way through so many of my days. Medication and therapy have helped but running has provided the serotonin boost I need to be more present in my life. If I go more than a day or two without it, I feel it. I have found I have a less of a need to avoid uncomfortable situations. I have reconnected with old friends. I enjoy my days. I take so much more in stride.
Finally, I am may be in the best physical shape I have ever been in. I am not as thin as I used to be, but I have a more muscle definition and tone than I recall having in the past, even in my extremely skinny days. My resting heart rate is impressive. I actually sleep sometimes. I never did that before.
I recommend everyone lose their mind from time to time.
In Medias Race 
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